DON’T LET
ANYONE OR ANYTHING STEAL YOUR JOY!
There was a theme that kept being repeated during our Harambee Bakijana Retreat aboard the Carnival Fantasy Cruise Ship this past October. Since the cruise, I’ve reflected on the theme, “Don’t let anyone or anything steal your joy!”. I can personally testify to how timely that message has been in my life. I’ve reflected on the message in two stages. At first, I realized I had an inner joy to be celebrated on the deck of the Fantasy Cruise Ship. Now I’m learning how to practice the art of protecting that joy daily. This particular message is a tough one for me to swallow because I am my father’s child. That means I inherited his quick temper when there is evidence of arrogance in the face of ignorance, bigotry, or both. Luckily the Therman Washington that I knew learned to soften his temper when dealing with bigots of the Federal Government. There is a story my mother, who met my father at the Tank Automotive Command, loves to tell which chronicles my father chasing a colonel all over the building for calling him a “boy” in 1971. I know what trouble my temper can lead me into as a black female. After several minutes of bellyaching laughter, we quickly thanked God that my father never caught that man! In spite of that temper, my father quickly rose to the highest level of command a civilian could achieve in the Federal Government during a time when a Black Man was not supposed to do so. My father died an early death on May 19, 2002 from subsequent stress-related illnesses.
I am a person who truly enjoys the career path I’ve chosen, engineering. One main reason that I’ve decided to stick with it for almost twelve years is my late father advised me that the true test of the quality of our decisions lies in whether or not we can stomach the sacrifices and/or the consequences that result from them. For me the sacrifices were minimal and the consequences are none. Therefore, as the true engineer, I deduct that I made a stellar choice! J Recently, I received a phone call from my immediate past supervisor and director. They said they wanted to talk to me about how I’m doing on my job. I expected nothing out of the ordinary though I was pleasantly surprised to hear from them, since it had been 10 months since I’d worked for them. You see it was upon the recommendation of my executive director that I be transferred from their department to Integration - Noise and Vibration, so that I can develop the cross-functional skill set needed to work the career path developed for me. “Do you know why you’re here?” asked my former director, after several minutes of friendly banter. “To inform you of how I’m doing on my new assignment.” I replied, repeating our brief preliminary conversation which lead to this appointment. I was ready and excited to tell them of my progress and my confidence in completing the challenges that I had not yet overcome. I was ready to inform them of the successful demonstration of my team’s solution to our exhaust noise problem. I was ready and excited about the two other fixes that I had found in the last 10 months of working this assignment. I was excited about the software courses I studied to collect and analyze noise and vibration data. I also wanted to tell them about the excellent progress report I’d received on my Performance Evaluation from my first boss for this assignment. I was ready! “Well there are some disturbing things about you (contrary to the Lori we know) that have come to our attention relative to your new assignment. We wanted to alert you to them so that you can correct them. ”, was my former director’s response.
I don’t want to bore you all with the GM-specific details, but briefly my current boss was painting a bleak picture of me in direct contrast to what was discussed in a “one on one” conversation that I had with her two weeks prior. She was basically calling into question my integrity relative to company policy regarding vehicle passes, as well as my technical competency. She omitted in her discussion of me certain details of how I’d caught and corrected the paperwork errors myself, and subsequently cleared them with the department secretary. She definitely omitted my technical accomplishments. I took that opportunity to chronicle not only the omitted details (you see bigots have a tendency to weave fantastic works of fiction out of a grain of truth!), but also the conversation between me and my boss two weeks prior which was absent any comment on my technical ineptitude!
It later became clear to me (both in what was and what wasn’t said) that my old mentors were more concerned with my boss’s performance as a manager than my performance as an engineer! They, of course, took the politically correct approach by counseling me on how to coax constructive criticism from a manager who may not be skilled at readily giving it (if you know what I mean!). They further offered that if the practice of these techniques were to no avail, that I was welcome to come back to work in their department and that they would wait for my decision. The last thing they said was that they had a personal interest in my doing well, whatever my decision.
My beef with my manager was not in her assessment of me, for everyone is entitled to their opinion, but in the fact that she so obviously chose to tell everyone else except me. So I quickly sped off to my current job site, and bounced my story to a few friends who’d worked for her years ago. I quickly learned that she is in fact a repeat offender! In my case, I don’t think she expected my old management to follow up with me after hearing her assessment. This “calming” exercise that I was practicing had the opposite effect than I’d intended. I was fighting mad. (Did I mention that I am my father’s child?) In fact, I was just about to send her a scathing email requesting that we meet to discuss her lack of integrity when my mother called. This may have been Divine Providence because I’m never at my desk when my mother calls, in fact I’m never at my desk! After recounting the day’s events with her, she stated, “If I were you, I’d keep my temper. After all, she (my boss) obviously failed in her obvious attempt to ruin your reputation. Most ex-managers would have washed their hands of an ex-employee, especially one who is reportedly not performing. These gentlemen contacted you, didn’t they?”
This immediately cooled my heels. My mother was right which brings me back to the theme Fr. Chester repeated a month ago, “Do not let them steal your joy!” Why should I allow anyone to cause me to act in such a way as to lose the respectability I’ve built for myself? I certainly wasn’t going to let her get away with thinking she got the best of me, but I could do it in a way that doesn’t betray the gifts that God has bestowed upon me. So I decided to pray on it - something I unfortunately rarely do. I also confided in friends and family who are in the same daily Christian struggle as I. The last thing I needed was further reinforcement in the art of self-righteous indignation. I needed to hear from people whose first inclination is not to lash out, as is my practice, in my situation. So after one day lapsed, I Nexteled my boss, requesting a conference to discuss the issue at hand.
When we met that Tuesday, Nov. 4, I was able to calmly mention the issues that were relayed to me and request she substantiate her claims. My findings on the paperwork issue were there was clearly a miscommunication of the details between the two of us during a Nextel discussion in September; however, her “mistake” was in not mentioning her misgivings to me during our “one on one” discussion. Furthermore, I was able to make my more pertinent point that it was unfair that I had to hear the issues from outside, and not from her, especially in light of the fact that she had the opportunity to clear up the confusion just two weeks prior! We ended the discussion with the agreement that in the future she would discuss my performance issues with me first, and not the rest of the world. Her criticism of my technical performance lost ground when two days after our meeting I was awarded a Spontaneous Performance Award for my contribution to the launch effort of the new Chevrolet Colorado/GMC Canyon pickup.
A message relayed to me by my parish priest that following Sunday put it all into perspective. He was discussing Luke 21:5-38, which is Jesus’ foretelling of the Tribulation before His coming. The point was that when you think all is lost, there is always some good that comes out of a bad situation, just as the coming of Christ will follow the Tribulation. As such when we find ourselves in these trials, we can always find something for which to be thankful. I then realized from my little drama there are people out there who are genuinely concerned for my well being and they hail from places and backgrounds I would have never suspected. That very basic lesson should have been engrained in my heart but I’ve become so cynical as to allow the world to steal my joy. That is how I will continue to personalize Fr. Chester’s theme. If I truly come into the understanding of , “No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD”, then there is no reason why I should ever lose joy in any aspect of my life.
I have since communicated my decision to my mentors to remain in my current position to fulfill the goals I’d originally set for myself. Although it’s hard to tell how I will be evaluated in the future, I do believe that the past month’s events will not cast doubt in the minds of those behind me as long as I maintain my integrity. Every week since that meeting I have received a Nextel call from my old supervisor asking how things are going. Just like the first time that question was posed, my convictions keep me confident when I answer, “Fine!”.